One day a young man named Jim, after graduating from college – called her girl buddy Kaye over the phone: “Kaye, I was moved by the Lord to contact you and ask you to marry me.” His action was way beyond acceptable, it just wasn’t the formal and romantic way to propose. Who would say yes unless a relationship has been established. No, they weren’t courting or dating previously and were just friends. Casual friends. Her response was even more surprising – she answered yes. Without hesitation. During that same phone conversation.
I invented the names Jim and Kaye, but the story was real. A friend of mine mentioned the story to me twice and it struck me because of its being unusual. Jim and Kaye ended up being married in the end. It seems as if Kaye’s heart has been previously dealt with before she got that phone call. She may have feelings for him before. I didn’t picture her as a rash lady the way she was described to me. She had foresight as to what happened, they say. But I just did not understand how she was led to respond.
I learned more about myself, and love, this 2011. It’s not an easy process: a bumpy ride, yet full of thrill like any journey of discovery is. I’m not sure if my story is worth sharing, at least quotes and words of wisdom from a few good men are. I don’t know how to start and how to end. I just learned that at times I have to stop knowing and start feeling. My language of faith is just different – hearing and knowing from God’s word FIRST is important. I don’t mind not being able to study all details, as long as trust have been cultivated first. The man has to just earn my trust.
“Sometimes, there are decisions wherein you just have to jump. You just have to decide and risk yourself. All relationships require a point of getting hurt.” – busy guy reasoned out to me over coffee some time last June.
It’s hard to make me jump not just because of my fear of heights. The thought of being pushed to make a decision in a matter of seconds makes me feel nauseated. I need preparations of sort. The other person just got to know me first. It’s not how I tick. You just have to speak my language.
I admire how some of my friends have kept their relationships for long years. Jericho and Lucky have been together for more than 10 years now. I was witness to their courtship stage way back 2nd year high school. They’re happily married with kids. There’s Kate and Daniel whose love story started from college days and stays as in love as they are now that they’re married. Maintaining relationships takes effort – and it took these couples a long route before they got to where they are. Love stories and love languages are just not meant to be the same for all.
I value friendship. It’s a stage that I enjoyed. If love blooms from there, it’s an added bonus. I had my share of experience of risking friendship to pursue romance in the past. It didn’t turn out the way I expected these relationships to be. It’s surprising that the friendship still remains despite distance needed to cater a healing heart.
A guy friend narrated that he asked one of his girl friends that he liked if he can court her. The girl answered: “Wag muna, baka masira friendship natin.” Now he wonders what went wrong and why he received such answer, getting a feel that the girl likes her in the first place. “How young is she?”, I asked. I don’t clearly recall if the answer was 21 or 23, but the young lady’s age seems to me a factor in determining her maturity in terms of commitment. I usually say the same answer way back in high school and college because of my lists of priorities. My friend at the age of 26, seems to be serious. On second thought, he may not be that serious. He admits he has areas of his life he needs to work on.
I learned to appreciate the slow yet real stages of life and relationships. At times I would rather fast track things but friendship is something I savor and would rather not skip. – my realization after a conversation with office mate.
It’s just how I am wired. I know that in love there are things one has to give up. But I am not sure up to what extent I can give up, depending on the person whom I chose to love.
“I’m not ready for love. I don’t know if I can give up yet my freedom of going to places without asking for someone’s permission. Guys are usually demanding. You have to be prepared physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. You have to give them time and yourself.” – a lady at her 30’s who’s been single after having multiple relationships in the past.
I knew how it feels to have a perfect peace in not being dependent to someone else for my happiness. It’s a gift. I’m blessed with a different case of having to take care of my family and other people as my current heartbeat. Right now, I may not have a specific person in my path since I don’t know how much I could give yet.
“There’s no such thing as meeting halfway. You only meet at certain points; someone’s got to give. Someday you’ll meet someone who will give way for you – someone who will love you more.” – quote from a friend.
I learned that I’m idealistic, however, in life and in love I just can’t follow my own terms. Don’t get me wrong, one opinionated woman lives inside of me but power also comes with my submission. I’m learning to get a good use of my negotiation skills in relationships especially when you mean business. My love is precious and costly. But I am also open to how you will earn my love in unspectacular ways I could imagine, as long as it’s real.
“When someone asks you about your romantic life, just say: I occasionally date,but it’s not much of a priority for me right now. If someone comes along, I’ll consider. If he’s meant to come, he will just come.” – a guy advisor perfectly puts an answer into words for me.
Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman’s heart, and a woman’s life—
And a woman’s wonderful love. – Joshua Harris
“I’ve come to see that you can limit God is different ways. You can limit Him by thinking he can never work in spectacular ways. But you can also limit Him by thinking that only the spectacular is meaningful.”
– from “Dug Down Deep”
― Joshua Harris
Note to readers: I hope you don’t mind me quoting from Joshua Harris, author of I kissed dating goodbye. I appreciate a balanced view on everything – You may also searched for Jeramy Clark’s book I Gave Dating A Chance.
Aside from books, other people’s experiences are for me the best teacher. I don’t have to undergo some situations myself just to get the essence of it. There are different ways people learn and get insights. I understand the trouble it will get people if their hearts are bruised – jobs, families and other relationships are affected. Guys and ladies, we entrust the Lord to guard our hearts yet it is still for our own keeping. Make sure we ask for it from the person whom we love with the same care as well when the time right comes.
When I think about love, my point of reference is always my relationship with God. We love him because He first loved us and how we were able to grasp His love determines how we respond. It is my prayer that we will all experience a love that would break our fears and give us freedom to love another unconditionally and without hesitation. We are all human and limited yet it is our father in heaven’s will to fill us with love that comes from Him.