Back to Your Core

heart

“What is your anchor?” A stranger asked me this question, with a bottle of beer in his hand. I sipped a drink from my glass, admiring his confidence to ask.  It was our second time to talk yet he has the courage to dig for answers from deep down my soul. That moment I didn’t have hard time thinking about it but I kept my words few.  I acknowledge that it was a risk for him to ask for openness but I am more open to listen, to know than be known. The stranger remained a friend. Up to now I haven’t asked him about his anchor.

“My core is my faith.” – Another stranger shared this with me a few months after without me even asking him. He spoke with eloquence and explained it with the passion I didn’t have. He said the words with deep conviction and I am indeed convinced that he lives what he believed to be his core. Unlike me, he takes risks and is willing to move towards the direction of his “faith”. And he simply puts it as something that his heart finds to do.  No complications.

faith

Your anchor is what you hold on to for support.  It keeps you in place when you seem to be drifting away from what you truly value.  It can also be your core – the one thing that is left of you that will keep you going even when you are peeled off the pleasures of life.  My anchor, and my core is that same word above which I have mentioned twice.  I am hesitant to say it now, because it is clouded by fear as I write. My claimed belief would be contradicting to my feelings now: I do not see faith, therefore my heart is struggling to believe in it. Or maybe my feelings are just deceiving me.

***

“You are perfect”, I uttered these generous words to the second gentleman.   I sincerely meant finding him as someone perfect, but I am aware that the mere fact that I saw him as perfect could be an indication that I am insane. I also started to feel longings of being with him in the future and I am confused if what I imagined is a vision or an illusion.  Were my affections for the real man or that “perfect image” of him?

Being away from him after a short three week of encounter made me realize that I shouldn’t put him on a pedestal.  Good thing he did not believe so much in himself and the words I said.  He is still a humble, and good man and because of that I can still use the word “perfect” to describe him. What I like about him is that he keeps my expectations where they should be. I learned to open my eyes about realities in front of me, take in things as it is rather than assuming what will be ahead. In human relationships, there can be no guarantee.

perfect

When I was a child, I was fond of make believe.  I fantasize about Peter Pan and Never Land. I’ve always imagined rain drops to be chocolates, and clouds to be fluffy cotton candies or pillows where I can fly to lay and rest.  If believing in those fancies can be considered as “faith”, then I had long years of training how to regard the unreal as real.   I have grown old but fondness of make-believe seems to have stuck.  As adults , you may still be clinging to make-believe stories like me: a love that isn’t there, a false of hope of changing the one you love. You may have built walls instead of bridges because of your “prince charming” ideas.  You may have lost opportunities waiting for that perfect job, or that perfect relationship. I’ve awaken to the fact that there is none. Peter Pan just has to grow up!

***

I believe however that there are “best gifts” in life that matches the desires of our hearts with what God has intended for us.  We will know the best gifts when we received them because we will eventually realize that these are the answers to prayers which we have been waiting for.  It may not exactly be the way we imagined it to be but the feeling it brings us when we finally have it is, let me use the word.. perfect. I am hoping for these gifts and that couldn’t keep me from dreaming, without clinging about the thoughts of it.

We hope, but don’t put faith in a promise or in a gift– but the person who will fulfill it. People aren’t flawless but time spent with them speaks of the integrity they have and how much they can be trusted.  Faith is a choice and you can always decide what to believe or who to believe. 

Sometimes the heart will tell us what to hold on to, and even if senseless, the human will have its way of achieving it.  The heart therefore has to be purified, since it can also be treacherous.  It is our own hearts that we need to befriend and get to know because this is the constant companion through whom the Giver of Life can speak or give dreams for us to pursue.

jer29-13

 

When someone asks you what your anchor, or core is, you should not think about it. The answer will be found in your heart.

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