When I was a child, I remember about daydreaming to join battles and use magical powers. I would launch myself in the frontline to throw water or wind elements at my opponents. But some of the more memorable scenes are when I draw back from the fight, lay my hands filled with light to my allies and heal them.
Healing involves such a warm, calm and feminine energy which attracts me somehow. But the process of meeting her and experiencing her gift also involves pain. Any wound or scar reacts with tears, screaming or breaking when held by her.
I’ve went through a different kind of pain some months ago when an accident caused my busy world to be on pause. I slipped and hit my back flat on the ground while travelling to a meeting one afternoon. It was good that my bones haven’t been damaged, however I acquired cervical strain and some nerves particularly between my neck and shoulders has been affected.
It took me five weeks of rest, medication, enduring and therapy. I thought it wouldn’t end when I still felt pain on the 6th or the 7th. It varied from the feeling of having electricity crawl on my back up to my arms and legs; stiffness on my neck; a week of sleeping after every two hours to endure pain, not being able to stand or sit for too long because of the weight of my swollen back’s ; nights when I couldn’t sleep figuring how to position myself.
There were various thoughts running through my head – how to calm myself, how to heal fast, how to catch up with an ongoing restructuring in the office while I’m away, how I can still manage my business, who among my friends would remember to ask how I am during this season.
Overwhelming emotions welled up, too – loneliness, hopelessness, fear, anger. Sometimes gratefulness would also put me at peace. I’m thankful for being at home resting and having my mom look after me. She was a sight that resembles healing aside from the medical practitioners who delivered my care.
My breath prayers were short yet drawn out from my core. Tears would often sneak its way out of my eyes, especially at night. The thought of imagining someone embrace me puts me to sleep.
“When you don’t relax and let go, we will repeat this procedure again and again.” I remember one of the nurse’s words when I went through an EMG test. Electrodes should be passed on my hands, arms and legs to see if my reflexes are good. The next procedure involved inserting some needles through my skin to check which points in my nerves are affected.
They say healing is about what you do with the time. The next question I have in mind would be, what I have done during my healing season to fully cooperate with my recovery. The words I can think of now resound the message I received from the nurse: relax and let go.
I could not plan, or really work on healing myself. I also perceived these as labor. I just had to rest and follow. Follow the doctor’s advice, listen to the person who look after and prays for me, and be sensitive enough when my body says sleep, eat, flex or play and watch a movie.
The mystery of life is that no one can really tell how long the healing season will be. This reality applies not just to physical wounds but heartbreaks and emotional grief also. But I sense that it helps when we accept and adjust to our condition at the earliest possible time.
I have a confession. When I was brought at the emergency room an hour after my accident, I did not follow the doctor’s advise to take medication for five days whether or not I’ll feel pain. After finding out that my x-ray result is clear and regained strength the next morning, I did not drink my medicines and went through my normal work routine. The pain attacked again five days later, went on and I could’t stop it.
Only when a person knows that he is sick is the time that he will seek a doctor. If he isn’t aware or acknowledge his condition, he wouldn’t desire to treat himself. Some are just stubborn to keep going in life without stopping for cure. I was, stubborn.
Moving forward with a renewed strength, I realized healing is something you don’t have to access only when you’re in a wounded situation. She’s present when you surround yourself with beautiful things, listen to positive music, hold a loved one, move your body to run, speak kind words and season life with good taste.
Healing is an ability each one of us is blessed with, and we need it in this world if we truly want to live. You don’t need to wait on time for it to arrive. It’s already with you.